So what keeps a world leader like myself up at night? Real momentous stuff like: What time should we leave for the St. Patrick's Day parade? Where is everyone going to park for our party tonight? Is it too soon to fertilize my lawn? Can the Cougs beat Vanderbilt? Who the heck is Vanderbilt, anyway?

If a shlub like me is kept awake at night by such frivolous inertia, how the heck do important people sleep at night? Does Michael Chertoff worry about homeland security AND his lawn? If I find answers to some of these questions, maybe it will put my mind at rest and I can go back to bed before dawn.

I do an online seach for 'Vanderbilt' and see an article about the University's Chancellor, E. Gordon Gee. Bingo! I met Dr. Gee in July, 2005 while in Nashville for a fraternity convention. Dr. Gee is a tiny man with a huge following. He was dressed that day, in a seersucker suit with a bow-tie and saddle shoes. What a dork, right? Funny thing is there were a bunch of guys - FRATERNITY guys - dressed like this. I don't think I had ever actually seen anyone dressed like this before, save for Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird. I was actually shocked to find out that anyone down South still dresses like this, let alone fraternity guys.

For whatever reason, I decide my next search should be 'Vanderbilt seersucker'.

I wind up on www.urbandictionary.com which is described as "a slang dictionary with your definitions."

Among the definitions of Vanderbilt are:

1. "That university in Nashville Tennessee. Where everyone wears polo shirts with the collars popped, guys have seersucker shorts and flip flops and girls miniskirts and Ugg boots or flip flops. Where the frats and sororities reign supreme. Where drunkeness is expected. Where your social status as a freshman is determined by whether you live in Branscomb or Kissam. Where there are more rival fans than Vandy fans at football games. Where everyone is too rich and spoiled to give a crap about the world."
by Ted. Nashville May 6, 2005

Aside from the "too rich and spoiled" comment, I'm thinking this sounds a little like ol' Wazzu. Then I read on...

2. "Considered the "Harvard of the South." Ranked 18th in the nation. A highly selective university. Average SAT scores range from 1200-1600. Nationally, the average SAT score is 1000. Additionally, the students are not only intelligent, but notorious for their good looks and monetary wealth (a fair portion, that is). Students are erudite, assiduous, fun-loving, and witty. The school is very tough academically. Students are strong verbally and have exceptional vocabulary. Actually, the students are all good at pretty much everything. Hence, the reason it is 18th in the U.S. The campus is 300+ acres and beautiful. Not too large a student body and not too small, either. It is essentially, a perfect school. Congratulations if you've been accepted."
by vron. Brentwood, TN May 8, 2006

Oh crap! I don't even know what "erudite or assiduous" mean! "Harvard of the South"? That sounds a wee bit more prestigious than "Moo U", doesn't it?

This one's a classic:
3. "The girls here are smart, and some of the most unbelievably beautiful and fashionable around. The guys reap the benefits. The fraternity and sorority scene rules and it is not uncommon for girls to drop out of school when they don't get into their top-choice sorority freshman year. Money oozes out of the student body (for the 2nd most expensive school in the country, what did you expect?)...so, we take shots before going out, but they are always Grey Goose and we use Peach Stoli to make screwdrivers. Pre-partying at some of the most posh and expensive bars around town is commonplace...getting obliterated at Boundary or P.F. Chang's ($8-&15 drinks) before going downtown on a Thursday is routine. Football games(although our team is perpetually awful) are formal affairs: guys wear ties and jackets, girls wear cocktail dresses and there is a tailgate at almost every frat house. Everyone is obliterated and dressed-to-impress...foot ball games are a 'see and be seen' affair. Frat parties are unbelievable, they go entirely overboard on their themes: filling their entire house with sand and adding waterfalls off their porches for 'Tiki Parties.' hiring Vanilla Ice to come play for a Saturday night party, and having formals at New Orleans, Destin, The work-hard, party-hard attitude is prevalent and there is substantial pressure to predominate at both." All of this, plus a top-20 school, can you say "work hard, play hard."
by vandy. Nashville May 6, 2006

As a matter of fact, I can! "Work hard, play hard." There, I said it! I can also form coherent sentances. Astonishing skills for a guy schooled in Pullman. You must be too busy letting the guys "reap the benefits" to worry about grammar. Thanks for the input, Princess. While it's good to see that Vanilla Ice has been reduced to frat parties, us hayseeds just can't relate.

So that's Vanderbilt in their own words. Let's see what they say about Wazzu, shall we?

1. "The nickname of Washington State University, located in Pullman, Washington. Orgin: Citizen of the state of Washington used to describe Washington State University during the party days of the 70's, 80's and 90's as a zoo instead of saying WSU."
by Aph Roman. Feb 27, 2004

OK - we're on the right track with this one. Surely they get better...

2. "Anus. A term used mainly in the northeastern US and more specifically New York. Usually only used when "up the" is also used in the sentence."
by frank p. DC Dec 4, 2005

Thanks Frank. Laugh it up, Huskies...

I have to edit my favorite one because it contains a couple "potty words" that would surely get me fired if I were to print them here - but I think it pretty much sums up the collegiate experience for all Cougs. We know we're not the "Harvard of the Palouse"; we didn't have formals in exotic cities - we had the Boville Run in the back of a U-Haul; Pre-funcs with Grey Goose and Stoli, and $15 drinks?? How 'bout shotgunning a couple Schmidt's and stumbling down to bucket night at the Coug?

So what, exactly is Wazzu?

3. "The best %*&#in' place on m@!*#ing earth. located in Pullman Washington"
by Batman. Oct 9, 2003

Holy #@%*!ing $#%!, Batman - I couldn't have said it better myself!

Go Cougs!